Hello.  It was another day at the cafe today.  Here is what I did...

     This is Table #1, the main table that I paint on.  You can see my palette, brushes, coffee cup, and several examples of napkin art.

     Here is Table #2, at the beginning of a typical cafe session, which can last three or four hours.

     Here are both tables together, during the middle of one of my painting sessions.

     Here is Table #1 again, near the end of my session.

     People pretty much ignore me, and what I am doing in the cafe.  This is not true at the bar, where drunk people are often a little more open.

     I do get bitter, pinched looks from old ladies, who seem to judge and scour over what I am doing.

     I can tell that most people in the cafe don't even have five bucks to make a purchase of one of my pieces, if they were inclined to do so in the first place.

     I don't know why I bother with these people.  It is just that this particular cafe is fantastic to paint in because it is kind of run down, and it has a 'northern light' window, which is the best for painters.

     It is almost as if people fight and strain with themselves to Not look at my art, as if I was Medusa, and my art was poison.

     I have done artwork in this cafe for three years, and 99% of the customers couldn't give a s*** about what I was doing.

     Yet, in this very same cafe, I had a $60 sale a couple of weeks ago.

     I don't know why the people there are so uptight about me and my art.  I don't know what they expect from an artist, or if they even think that I am one.  Or maybe they think I suck.  Or maybe they are preoccupied with themselves.  Or maybe they aren't ready for my art.  Or maybe they are all a bunch of @ssholes, I'm not sure.  Or maybe they think they are better than me as a person, and that my efforts are beneath their notice.  Truck them.

     Yet, I will continue painting in this cafe, and I don't care how long it takes to win them over.  They will get used to me, or live in denial that somebody is doing something pretty cool in a public cafe.
 
 

     It was yet another day at the cafe today; but, it was kind of chilly.
     I did my napkin art thing today again.
     Since I know that a sale can come on any day, at any moment, I always bring my napkin art without fail.  I never know what will happen.  Also, if they don't buy today, maybe they will on another day.  I never know.  I realized that people may be seeing my work for the first time, so it takes people a while to warm up to it.  This is just how people are.
     Sometimes, people will look at my art when I am not sitting there, because people don't know how to introduce themselves anymore, like in the old days.  Oh well.  It's not my problem.

     Meanwhile, the musician next door is playing a Pearl Jam song, and it is really annoying.  I just started writing.
     I don't know why he has to play so loud when he is the only one in there.  Asshole.
     Musicians don't buy my art, because they can't afford it.  A guitarist guy was looking at my art last night, and he was too cool to even say 'hello'.  I would have said something, but I didn't want to deal with his self-important stature as an up-and-coming musician, who will probably never 'make it'.  In the meantime, I guess he will just bang chicks, and tell his friends about it.
     I have other things on my mind these days.

     Here is my napkin art of Moe.  He is my favorite.

     Here is some dopey-looking, happy bird that I painted.

     Here is some more napkin art.

     An older German couple laughed when they saw this one.  It's not easy to make Germans laugh, you know.


 
    

     It was another day today.
     Complete and utter rejection about my napkin art.
     One guy commented early on, but he certainly didn't have it in mind to cough up a lousy five bucks for a piece of original art.  Bastard.  Then he went into some long-winded, old man story, and I don't get paid to be anybody's therapist.
     People fight not to look at my art.  They look at the flyers on the wall, and they text on their portable devices.  They do everything they can to avoid me.
     They are afraid they might like it, and they don't want to deal with anything outside of themselves.
     Mostly, though, people at Muddy Waters cafe don't have any money to spend.  They are dirt poor. 
     So, what I do is just use the time to prepare for the night ahead.
     Also, I've been bringing in a book of 'Great Paintings', and I've been reading it, and using the images as source material.  I enjoy art history, and I like to incorporate paintings from the past into my work.
     The cafe is not a place where you will hear competent English being spoken.  I gave up on that aspect long ago.
     Despite everything I've just written, it is my favorite coffee shop in the city.  They have good coffee, and they let me paint there.  The women are attractive, and they have atrocious art on the wall.  Just my kind of place.
     But yeah, I can only handle about two or three hours of rejection from people about my art, and about me, and then I have to leave.  I'm not going to sit there and paint and be ignored as if I don't exist.  I can do that in my studio.

     It was the same old thing again today.
     I made, right in front of people, a bunch of napkin art.  They just pretend that I am not there.
     It is sad.
     I feel fine for me, but I am concerned for them.
     They can't step outside of themselves for one moment to say a nice word to me.
     It's not my problem.
     Those people don't have any money to spend, anyhow.
     But you know what?  A compliment is free.

     Anyway, then there was the incident where I was outside smoking, and a cop car pulled up to the curb.  They asked me for my I.D. on the basis that they were looking for somebody who looked like me.  What a story.  I think it could be true, but I also think they were killing two birds with one stone.  They could say they were doing their work looking for the bad guy, and checking up on me at the same time.  The cops were nice enough, and kept things at a conversational level.  I know better than to talk to much.  Cops have tricked me before.  They have only one interest.  Themselves.  That is about it.

     I had two cups of coffee.

     Some woman who was a friend of the counter lady said she was having trouble with her back.  The poor woman doesn't know how to stretch it out.

     In any case, I had fun today.  I painted, smoked, did my thing, and had a good time.  I still felt a slight buzz from last night, haha.

     I will say that I got home last night, and did some scathing work about three people for 'The Drunken News'.
     I have the greatest excuse for anything I write,....."I was drunk, I couldn't help myself."

     Anyhow, it is time to play some 'Lord of The Rings Online'.  I finally learned how to craft some items yesterday, and I had a good time.  I am going to do some more of that.

     Not much else to talk about unless I want to get all bitter.

     I did see a woman with a nice ass, so that cheered me up.  It was heart-shaped, which is my favorite.

     It was a good day today, though, I kind of had a slight headache from the brown sugar in my coffee.  Then, there is the smoker's cough I have.
     Anyway, my new friend was there again.  She is a swell gal.
     I also ran into a poet friend of mine, who was there in the cafe with his wife for a while.

     Here is my napkin art set-up for the day.
     The cafe is ideal to paint in.  First of all, the window faces the north which is the only light in which true colors are visible to artists.  Second, the cafe is kind of run down, and has a communal feeling, so it is great for me to go in there and do my thing.

     Caffeinated people don't buy art.  That is true.  They are too self-absorbed at the cafe.  Everybody ignores me and my art, which sucks, but that is just how it is.
     In contrast, I get a lot of attention at the bar at night.  People throw money at me, and buy me drinks.  Good times, eh?

     Even if I only sold one napkin art per day at the cafe, that would pay for two coffees.  Someday, I hope to develop my day business.

     The people who run the cafe aren't too sensitive to artists.  They make me pay like anybody else, even though I've done work for them.  Also, they scheduled me for two art shows, and then they forgot, and had somebody else put art their art up, so, I'm not really inclined to formally show my art there.  No one there has any money anyhow.  It's in The Mission, for Christ's sake.  Nobody has money there.

     At least all of the rejection during the day balances the attention I get at night at the bar, so that is something.

     I still haven't gotten laid as a result of Napkin Art, but I'm working on it.  For right now, I'm happy to take women's money.  That is all I need from them right now.

     This guy named King fell asleep.  I wish he would go sleep in the park.  It is depressing to see him sleeping in the cafe when I am trying to work.  It is a let-down.


     Otherwise, I did my napkin art, and it was a rollicking good time.  As usual, I got some strange looks from people who didn't quite know what to say about artwork done on napkins.

     Then there was this guy concerned with posting flyers.  He seemed a little off to me, and wrote the words 'hero' and 'corageous'....his spelling...on a political poster where another person had written in marker, 'sell-out'.
     I watched this guy for twenty minutes, as he moved some posters off to the side so he could post his.
     The one that caught my eye was he posted one about 'body awareness' with a photo of twenty naked people.
     So, this guy is into public nudity, and politics.  Okay.
     He's the kind of 'off' guy who could be mentioned in a Stephen King novel.
     Then I saw him drive away in his car, and it was plastered with bumper stickers.
     He did have one sticker I liked, and it read, "Put Bush in Prison'.  Sounds good to me.


     One more thing...I painted in Easter colors even though it is Halloween season.  It is a result of painting with this woman from last night.  She was into pinks and pastel colors.

     It was another day at the cafe today.
     'Black Comic Book Guy' was there today.  He is having problem with his service for his portable device.
     I could barely care about his problems.
     He seems to have many, one of them being that he isn't too bright. 
     I feel bad for this, but it isn't my problem.
     Yesterday, he did an annoying thing of bringing into the cafe an entire bag of fried chicken, and was eating that after he ate his Top Ramen.
     The other day he slept in the cafe for three hours.
     He depresses me.

     Then there is 'Tattoo Face'.  I saw him across the street.  Luckily, he didn't come into the cafe today.  He sucks the life out of the room in about twenty seconds.
     To hear him talk in his nasal tone upsets me.
     I just want to say, "Bro, can you talk normal?!  Jesus!"

     Nadjat was her charming self again, but she isn't into art much.  Pity.

     Meanwhile, I did my thing, and had a good painting session.  However, it was more or less the same.  Everybody ignored me.
     At best, all they did was look at my art in passing.
     They know I'm there, especially the regulars, but they say nothing.  Plus, I don't even think they have five bucks to cough up for my art.

     The day was pleasant, with a cool breeze, and I enjoyed looking at the buildings, the sky, and a bird in flight while I smoked a cigarette.

     I couldn't help but notice the cops as they drove by, though.  They are ever-present.  The Police Station is two blocks away, but they always survey me as if I am doing something wrong.
     A police man has never bought my art, or shown any interest.  Why should I care about them?  They can certainly afford it, making $90 an hour.

     Anyway, my morning work for the day is done, and I am ready for more rejection at night.  It is a lot of fun, let me tell you.

     Now it is time for a journey to Middle Earth, and to cook up some lunch.

     To anybody who reads my work, 'Thanks for hanging in there with me.'

     It was the same old sh*t at the cafe today.  I worked on a lot of pieces, and no one gave a flying f*ck about my artwork.
     Business as usual there.
     Anyway, here is my edited picture of The Simpsons.

     This society is a little too uptight for me to put up the unedited version anywhere on the web.

  
     It is really hot today here in San Francisco.  All I feel like doing right now is passing out.

     It was another day in the cafe today.
     I got ignored about my artwork again.  Nobody seems to care.
     Then, I sat down, and sure enough, some yuppie newspaper guy was watching me as I worked.  I moved my chair so I could keep an eye on him.  Then of course, he said nothing.  He gets to watch me paint, and I get to watch him read a newspaper.  It ain't that exciting for me.
     Then I had to deal with Black Comic Book Guy again.  I showed him how to create figures for comic books, but he has a short attention span.  There is no way to fix that.  He talks a lot, but doesn't do enough work.
     Making comics ain't all it is cracked up to be.  It is very laborious.  You can spend a day on an entire page, and then somebody can read it in ten seconds.  All that work, for so little return.

     I had my two coffees, and painted to my heart's delight.  That was the best part about today.
   
     Also, I was able to work some more on this naked Simpsons drawing that a girl asked me to do.  I am painting the whole family naked.
     Funny, huh?
     I am not allowed to post the unedited painting on this blog.
     That sucks, huh?
     It sure does.  I'll have to post it on my other blog.

     Meanwhile, Nadjat was her usual charming self, and I managed to work through a hangover.

     Here is my set-up in the cafe today.
     I am so glad I sold one, it makes me feel good.  Plus, I got two coffees paid for.
     Mostly, people ignore me, though, no matter how good or bad the art is.
     I don't know why.
     One woman mustered up a very soft, mousey 'hello' when I caught her looking at my stuff, and I was able to make eye contact with her.  I said nothing in return, since her greeting was so week.
     I am starting to figure out that not only do I have to go to great lengths to conceive and produce the art, but I also have to be a human fisherman, and reel them in with extensive words of kindness.  Some people get intimidated, and they don't want to bother me.  Or god knows what other reason.  I can't tell.  I know I could be more friendly and outgoing, but that is a lot to ask of me.  The viewer has to have a response.  I've started a dialogue, and it takes a rare bird to finish it.
     The guy who bought the piece from me today was instantly interested in what I was doing upon sight.  It is mostly confident people who engage me in dialogue.  It is true.  They are also the ones who end up buying, also.
     I've tried in the past to get people talking, but if they don't do it all on their own, there is no point, and they don't buy anyway.
     I've already gone out of my way to make all of the art, I can't pull their teeth, too.
 
     I know this girl at the bar, and she has sat with me for many hours.  It is nice to have her around, because she does all the talking, which makes it very easy for me.  She is away for a month, or two, so I'm on my own for a while.  Too bad.  I need a girl like that at the cafe.  I probably scare people off, haha and lol.  I think that is probably what happens.
     When I work, it is very intense, and I am concentrating.  It is hard to be Mr. Nice Charming Guy while there is a storm of paint happening.

     Anyway, my coffee was good today, as always.

     I usually try to make it to the cafe by noon, and hang out for a couple of hours.  I've been going to Muddy Waters Cafe for three years now.  It sure has taken a long time to break the ice there.  It is a tough house I'm playin'.

     Anyhow, I'm glad I'm doing my writing on the computer before it gets too late.  When I'm in a hurry, the articles I write don't come out good.

     I have a back-log of material to put out.  It is going to take a while to catch up, if that is even possible.  I've missed a lot of writing opportunities because of playing video games.  Then again, I am building The Death Star in Clone Wars Adventures, and that takes time, too.

     There was some older broad I drew while she was standing there ordering coffee.  I liked her figure.  It will be fun to throw on some paint on to that piece later tonight.

     I generally enjoy drawing women.  They are fun to draw.  I like to draw them in feminine movements and gestures.  It makes me feel all gushy inside, perusing over their bodies.  I like backless dresses.  It is fodder for the imagination about what the rest looks like.  I also like no-sleeves.  I basically like as little as clothing as possible on a woman.  I like when the thighs are exposed.  That is nice, too.

     Well, thanks for reading.  Every hit counts, and I appreciate every single one.

     Here is the napkin art I sold in the cafe today for $5.  It is the second one I've sold in four days.  That is amazing to me.  Usually, I can't sell a thing to save my life in the cafe.  The reasons for this are people don't have any money, they don't care, and they are too into their own thing to care about what anybody else is doing.  Also, I am not the most approachable person in the world.  Add all these things up, and I rarely get a sale.
     Anyway, I am happy.  The guy who bought it was a real nice guy, and he had a thing for skulls. 
     The sale of this art piece paid for two coffees for me.  Yay.

     It is a nice and beautiful day outside, and it makes it all better to have sold something.

     Wow, I sold a napkin art at the cafe.  This almost never happens.  It is certainly a rare event.
     It was a portrait of a blond girl.  The couple that bought it from me were really cool people.
     Most of the people at the cafe just look at my art and don't say a word, which I consider pretty rude.  They look at it while they walk by fast.  They can't be bothered with something outside of themselves.
     Anyway, I used the money to pay for two coffees, and this made me happy.

Internet Blues

     Insert expletive here.

     I don't know why swear words are still so taboo.  It's part of 'The American Culture'.  Everybody does it, and besides, often times, swearing is funny.  There are certainly lots of reasons to swear.  For example, I will most likely have to pay a $99 service charge just to have an AT & T service man flip on a switch, and type a word into my computer.  I procrastinated with paying my bill, so it is all my fault that this is happening.  I knew something like this would happen if I didn't pay my bill on time, yet, I didn't do it.  I've gone through this before, so one would think that I would learn my lesson.  Instead, I got lazy again, and as a result, I've been without internet at home in my art studio for four days.  It's all my own g**d*** fault.  F***.  S***.

     Anyway, it should get fixed tomorrow, so that will be good.  Then I can be happy again.

     Fast internet at home is probably the best thing in the world, better than sex.  With sex, it is over in 4-7 minutes.  With fast internet, you can look at porn websites, and then watch Family Guy, so you get both.

     Yup, all I had to do was pay my bill.  Now they have to reconfigure my internet, and I will have to pay for it.  What a dope I am.  What a moron.  This mistake is costing me time and money.  Dang.  I screwed up big time...yet again.

     What's wrong with me?  Well, I've been working seven days a week, and I just didn't get around to it.  That is stupid, though, because the AT & T store is practically on my way to work.

     It's almost as if I wanted something bad to happen to me.  Actually, I was delaying the payment because business has been slow for me, and I was trying to earn some extra money, and it just didn't happen, so, the bill just didn't get paid, even though I had money in the bank.

     I don't currently have a phone, or a credit card.  There are some other basic things I don't have at this time in my life, and I hope someday to get them.

     I'm hoping people will buy a lot of my art.  I am banking on that.  I tell you one thing, money will solve a lot of my problems right now.  I need a lot of it, so you people out there had better start coughing up the cash for my artwork.

     I've actually had people say I should sell my little napkin art paintings for a $1 a piece.  Bastards.  Some of them have 2-5 hours of work in them at least.  As it is, I charge $5 a piece, and people try to get discounts.  Geez, some people can be cheap.  The nice people have paid me $10 - $20 just for one!  So, I have hard time feeling sorry for people who can't afford my art.  F*** them, the losers.

     Anyway, everything should be fine by tomorrow, if all goes well.  Wish me luck, I'll need it.  Hopefully, the service man won't charge me, but I doubt that will happen.  I'm sure he will gouge me for every cent he can.  Grrrrrrr.

Good Internet is like the best beer you have ever had

     I'm at the cafe with my laptop.  I just got through with a chat session with an AT & T representative.  He was nice.  The people that work on that chat line are always helpful.  That is their job.
     Anyway, I hope my computer at home can connect to the internet now.  That would be nice.  I can't save Middle Earth unless I can connect with the internet.

     I drank enough coffee to almost make me sick, so now I am drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon.  It is only $2 a can here.

     I ate a nice sesame seed bagel with butter and jam....mmmmm.  It was good.

     So, basically, my life sucks without internet at home.  It is all my fault, too.  I didn't pay my bill on time.  I've been through all this before.  I should know better, that if I don't pay my internet bill on time, that things get screwed up.  I've been without internet at home for three days now, and it really sucks.

     Thankfully, they have good internet at this cafe, so at least I can check my email and play facebook games.  That is good.

     Ok, thanks for reading, if indeed there is actually anybody out there who reads what I write.

     Maxfields is a cafe located on Delores and 17th in San Francisco.  It is a great cafe.  Anyway, the internet works good here.  At Muddy Waters, the internet signal strength is nothing to talk about.
     They are playing 50's and early 60's music today.  In other words, you get Franki Valli, Beach Boys, and Buddy Holly.  That sort of thing.
     Stephen, the singing barista is here.  He sings along with all the songs. 

     The reason why I am here, is my internet at home is down for a day or two.  I paid my bill, so it should be up and running possibly even when I get home.  Or it could work tomorrow.  I'm not sure.  If I wasn't so lazy, I would pay my bill on time, and this wouldn't happen.

     I guess it is fine anyhow.  It is not a bad thing to have a change in routine.  It can't be the same every day.  God knows I've tried.

     I'm looking forward to getting back onto Lord of The Rings Online, though.

     Anyway, to continue, I haven't been blogging much, because basically, I get way more hits on youtube.  So, it's been worthwhile to put my efforts there.  However, it seems that blogs can generate some income, so it is worth it for me to blog once in a while, and to keep it all going.

     It isn't easy for me to get into the blogging mindset, what with all the video games I play, but once I get onto a roll with the blogging, there is no stopping.

     I have a hard time imagining that somebody is going to sit there and read my blog entries, but I guess it happens from time to time.

     It would be rad to have a wildly successful blog, but at the rate I am going, that will take years.  First of all, I'm not famous, so why would anyone care?  Nobody.

     All I know is I am still trying to get my life started.  I've been trying to be a professional artist for twenty-five years now.  I'm a pretty good artist, but I'm not that great of a businessman.  One problem is that art just takes a long time to produce.

     Anyway, I am glad to be blogging again.  Back in the day, I would write twenty pages every day.  It would take a month to fill up a good-sized notebook.  I always had intentions of going through all of my material, and editing it, but I never got around to it.  Now, all of that writing is lost.  I guess I will have to rewrite all of it.  What is good is that once it is on the internet, it is there forever, so my work will be preserved.

     'Born To Be Wild' by Steppenwolf is playing.  I've always liked that song.  It's almost my theme song.

    
     What is nice about Maxfields is they have outdoor tables and chairs so I have a place to sit out there and have a cigarette.  Muddy Waters cafe had to get rid of their outdoor seating on account of all of the riff-raff that would sit out there all day long.

      'It's Gotta Be Rock and Roll Music, if you want to dance with me'.

     Here is an example of what I do at the cafe.  I paint on napkins for fun, and try to sell them in the bar at night.
     It would be great if people would buy my art in the cafe, because then I could get my coffee paid for, but there is a problem.  Usually only drunk people buy art.  If people are too sober, they just don't buy art, and that is the truth.  Why do you think they have wine at art openings?  That is the reason.  The alcohol loosens them up, and their wallets, too.

     What is great about painting in the cafe is because the one I go to has a northern light window, which allows me to see the true color of the paint.
     When I paint inside the bar, it is really dark, so I have to make my best guess about colors.

My Internet is Locking Me Out at Home

     The main reason why I can't access my internet at home is because I need to pay my internet bill.  I keep forgetting.
     The other reason why I might not be able to access the web is because it is just messed up.
     Anyway, I will try and correct the situation by paying my bill today.
     It could work when I get home, though.  It shows I am connected, but I am just locked out.  Things like this happen once in a blue moon.
     Meanwhile, I am at the cafe with my ancient laptop.  The internet is really slow here, and it sucks.  I spent an hour on Superhero City for facebook, just waiting for things to load.
     I'm generally irritated today.  It is frustrating when the internet doesn't work.
     I'm just happy that I got it to work at the cafe at all.  At least I always have this as a back-up.

     I really don't know who reads my blogger posts.  At least with youtube, people respond once in a while.  On Blogger, nobody says nothing.

     It's not always easy for me to write a clean blog entry.  I just want to swear profusely.  I have an 18 and over blog for that.  Google doesn't like a lot of swearing, so women and children can be protected, from what, I don't know.

     Anyway, I'm just happy I was able to level up my characters on Superhero City.

     To keep my mind occupied while I was waiting for things to load, I wrote a diary entry on a napkin.

     In the last couple of months, I've been doing my napkin art in the cafe.  It is way more active to do that than to sit here waiting for the internet to work.  Hardly anybody pays attention to my art here, though.  I don't know why.  It's good work.  They either to poor, too uninterested in things outside of themselves, or they are too sober.

     Life is good, but yeah, I am really frustrated today.

     Later, I will bicycle to the AT & T store, and pay my bill.  I've been struggling to make and save money, which is why I haven't paid the bill yet.  I keep hoping to make some good money every night, so that when I do pay my bill, it won't sting as much.

     It really does suck when my internet doesn't work at home.  There isn't anything to do there when that happens...except maybe clean, and I hate doing that.

     I really have nothing to write about today.  I don't know what I am doing right now, or what anything means.

     There was a time when I was bringing my laptop everyday to the cafe, and blogging a lot.  It seems that this is a better place to write than at home, where I am distracted by everything going on.  So far, Blogger is the only thing I got going on the web where I have generated income on record.  So, it is in my interest to keep the Blogger thing going.

     The problem with Blogger is, "Who the hell reads anymore?"
     I don't know.  I really just don't know.  I just don't really know.

     Anyway, it is what it is today.

     I just feel like smoking a cigarette right now.

     God, I have to piss right now.  I pee all day.  I drink a lot of coffee.  I also drink Hawaiin Punch.  I love that stuff.  I buy a 2-liter thing of it for $1.10 at the dollar store.

     Let's see...the guy sitting to the right of me.  Well, he has seen my art.  When confronted on this, he seemed pretty bloodless on the subject of art.  He sure does like to sit on the computer all day long.  I wonder what the 'f' he does on it, though.  I can't imagine.  He is a well-dressed yuppie kind of guy, and I have no idea what his deal is.

     I'm hungry.  I need something in my stomach to settle my stomach.  Too much coffee gets to me eventually.

     Let's see...anything else I want to write?  Yes, there is, but it is hard to think when I have to pee, dammit.

     The guy on the right periodically looks at me.  It disturbs me.  He is harmless, but there was a time when we were the only two people occupying tables in the front room, and he had to sit right next to my table.  It creeps me out.  It is such a pain in the @ss to pick up and move my stuff, that I've just been sitting here, silently suffering. 

     I watched South Park last night before my internet locked up on me.  I love that show.  I watched the one where Stan's Grandpa buys him a $6000 bolo tie off of a shopping network.

     I don't exactly know why my internet locked up on me.  It shows that I am connected, but it shows the padlock icons.  It is like being locked out of the house, which just majorly sucks when that happens.

     It's good to stop doing art for a day.  It is good to bring the laptop to the cafe once in a while, and update it.  If you let things go too long without using the computer, things become out of date.

     One time, I let a lot of time go by before bringing my laptop again into the cafe.  I had sixty updates, and I had to sit here for an hour before the computer would shut off.

     I feel better now that I have peed.  Then, I got some more coffee, and I bought a bagel with butter and jam, which was so good.  I could go for another one.

     I ate good last night.  There was some food party at the bar, and I had three bowls of this amazing Chicken Tomato soup.  I was dying and going to heaven.

     I guess I might as well publish this.  It has happened a couple of times where I write a big, long blog entry, and something happens where it gets lost, and then I have write the whole dang thing over again.

     It's been a while since I made any posts, because I stopped taking my laptop to the cafe.  Instead, I've been doing my napkin art, and having a pretty good time.
     Most everyone brings their laptop now, and I didn't want to be just another person with a laptop sitting there.
     I wanted to distinguish myself.

     I suppose if one day everyone in the cafe was drawing and painting pictures, then I would rush home, and get my laptop, just to be different.

I Sold $50 worth of Napkin Art

     Good Morning.
     I sold $50 worth of napkin art last night.
    
     Wow, I have a legitimate business now.

     If I can do that every night, I never have to work a job again.

     The night before, I made $0.

     However, just knowing that the money is there to be made is encouraging.

     It would have been rad to make $100, but I'll take the $50. 
     I'm pretty happy about the whole thing.

     I am going back there tonight to see what happens next.

     Plus, I had a good time to boot.

     The conversation was good, people threw money at me, and I drank beer.
     I could get used to this real fast.

Here is Muddy Waters cafe

     Muddy Waters cafe is located on Valencia near 16th St.
     You can walk North about a block and make a left on Valencia.
     It is across the street from Limon, which is a restaurant, and also across from 'Five And Diamond', which is a boutique.

     I am there almost every day around noon, drinking coffee, making art, and waking up.

     Oh yeah, Muddy Waters is located in San Francisco.

The Druid showed up today

     Funny, The Druid showed up, and we had all three main members of our Sunday Night Magic session here at the cafe.  We are a bunch of long-hairs with no obvious means of financial support, but somehow we manage.
     I was able to show him some things on the web, and we looked up some Magic cards.  I lobbied for the position that 'yes, you need a computer'.

     Here is the card we looked up.  He wants to use this card to help him kill us.  I'll see what I can do about that.
     2/4 is a pretty good defense, but it is nothing that a simple 'Terror' card can't take care of.

 
     'Damnation' is a good card, too, to get rid of all of his annoying elves and spirits.

    
     This would be good to use on him, too.  'Choice of Damnations'...

      Let's see how he likes that.

The Cute, Little Furry Dog

     Here is a cute, little, furry dog.
     He is waiting for his owner to return from buying coffee.
     He is hoping he will not have to wait long.
     He doesn't like to wait.
     He will wait for a little while and not mind too much, but if he waits too long, he gets antsy.
     He really wishes he could go into the cafe, but he can't, because he is a dog.
     At least he gets to be by a tree. From his viewpoint, he can see his owner in the cafe, so he is not scared that he has been abandoned.
     He is hoping he gets a snack soon.

The New Girl

     Well, she has curly auburn hair, she has a pleasant face, and she looks good in a dress.

     Anyway, eleven customers in the front part of the room, including myself.

     The Druid said he would be here at 11:00 a.m.  It looks like a no-show.

     I didn't make it to the bar last night to paint.  Instead, I had an extended nap, and I wound up doing a lot of necessary work to help get images and video off of my desktop computer at home.
     My job is to clear out as much memory as I can so I can make room for video games.
     A lot of photos have been sitting on my computer for years, and it is time to make use of them.  They aren't doing me any good just laying dormant.

     263,000 hits on youtube.  My hits come in slow but steady.  It is better than nothing.  I am starting to really dream about having some successful videos.
     141 subscribers.  This number has been really hard to build up, and it is something I don't have much control over.  It is completely up to other people.
     It is my second youtube channel.  The first one is called 'kirkindysolospock', and it has 310 videos on that one.  I started the second one when I found out there were at least twenty-eight David Lovins in the U.S.A., so I wanted to make claim to own name.  I will have to check how that channel is doing, then I can add up my total hits.
     511,208 hits from channel #1.
     263,642 hits from channel #2.

=   774,850 my total hits on youtube.  That isn't very good for over 1500 videos total, in comparison to what other people have been able to achieve.  One woman has 200 million hits.
     On the otherhand, for a complete unknown such as myself, it is pretty good.  To compete with myself is the way to look at it, and to always do better.  I am pretty sure I have the most number of hits out of my siblings.  They don't do the youtube thing much. 
     I was a late-comer to youtube.  I started in 2008, and I really did not know what was going on.  I barely knew how to work my digital camera or how to make videos.
     The first channel's majority of hits have come from Marianne Faithfull and William Shatner videos that I made.
     Music videos are probably the #1 thing people watch on youtube.  People also like video game videos.
     People will watch anything, so my recommendation to anybody reading this is to always do your best on youtube, because those videos will be up there for a long time.
     On the other hand, you can't always concern yourself with what other people think.  Especially considering that many of the youtube watchers are teen-agers, it is better to please yourself before you try to please them.
     The other hand of that is the majority of youtube users are teens because they have the time to watch videos, so the solution is to to make all different kinds of videos for all different kinds of people.
     You can't please them all.

     The Waiting Game is often the most difficult game of all.  Let's suppose you made an awesome video, and, nobody notices it.  You can wait for months before you even get a hundred hits.
     You never know what can happen on youtube, though.
      I just make as many videos as I can, and let Hell sort them all out.  There's nothing I can do to make every body happy.

     There was a jogging girl in jet black leggings and I wanted to photograph her, but it wouldn't have been polite.

     The Mexican workers just left.  I don't understand Spanish.  I hear the rhythms of their speech, and I am glad they are gone so I can hear my own thoughts and the music.
     It is such a pain to deal with prolific talkers in the cafe.  Sometimes it really caves my head in.

     The jogging girl was initially on her phone, and I had not much choice in where I was going to sit today, so I endured her for the first five minutes here.  It was hard to listen to.  Thank god she quit talking.
     She isn't even here anymore.

     There are five people here with a dog.  One guy has a laptop with a 'Veterans for Peace' sticker on it.
     Good luck with that.  The U.S.A. has plans to always be at war, or to prepare for war.  It is a business.  It is nothing personal.  Americans like to fight, and they like those government contracts.  War will never end.
     A lot of people actually want to join the military because video games makes war look cool.

     So, now I am stuck listening to the people, and have the visual distraction of the dog, who seems bored to tears.  The dog is on a short leash and has a very limited range of movement.  The dog is bored as all hell.
    
     A new girl just walked in.  She is blond with a blue hoodie.  She has black pants on.  No socks.  Flat shoes.  Her hair is like Talia Winters from Babylon 5.  She is a nice looking young girl, just minding her own business.  She wears a white plaid shirt underneath her hoodie where the shirt extends from underneath the hoodie to cover her groin and buttocks region.
     She just left.

     The new counter just walked, or should I say, flew gracefully by in front of me, like a pixie, to go downstairs.  That was a sight to see her body glide diagonally across the space of the room.
     I have x-ray vision, so I can see and imagine everything.  That is what art school did for me.

     I am watching the dog be really frustrated.  The dog wants more room to move around in.  The dog is incredibly bored.  I just want to tell the owner to let out his leash a little bit more.  The dog doesn't have enough room in which to move.

     Time for a smoke.

* * *

     I watch a lot of people parallel park when I am out there smoking.  The majority of people aren't good at it.  There are three main parts of parallel parking.  The back up and turn the wheel to the left once you pass the car that will be parked in front of you, the turn the wheel sharply to the right and begin to pull in, and the final adjust the wheels and glide in.
     Most people don't turn the wheel sharp enough as they are moving to get the most out of the mechanics of the turn.
     Without a doubt, there are videos and information on how to scientifically perform the best parallel parking available on youtube and the web.  I don't have a car anymore, so there is no need for me to look.
     The biggest trick is to not nip the car ahead of you with the front end of your car.
     Also, if there is traffic behind you, the pressure can get intense to perform.
     The worst is when some @sshole does not acknowledge your blinking turn signal and steals your space.  I've seen people get livid over this.

     The five people with the dog and their boring, tedious, monotonous conversation left.  I think it took them an hour to decide to have dinner at six and a presentation at seven.

     It is just another day at the cafe, and now I have the whole front room to myself.  Sometimes it takes a while for the room to die down just so I can work.

A Big Beer

That is one mother truckin' big beer.

Tall Girl

She is pretty tall, that is for sure.

More about monetization on blogs

     The only blog I was making money with was my 'David Lovins Underground Emporium', but the monetization capabilities were taken away when they decided I was doing adult material.
     I haven't made a cent with any other blogs yet.  That sucks.  I'm trying.
     It isn't easy to write PG material.  I always want to put swear words in.   Because of how I think and talk, it feels unnatural to censor myself.  It is not my preference.

     Maybe I need to read more Ernest Hemingway and learn how to write.

Interceptor

     Some guy just left.  He was working on his pink laptop, and made a cell phone call in which he said, "Maybe working as a host in restaurant as a host would be good.  People have told me I would be good at that."
     Being a host in restaurant isn't the same as doing the work of a chef or a dishwasher.
     I looked at him, and listened to him, and I didn't think he would be a good host unless it was in a gay restaurant.  In other situations, it would be annoying.
     "Hi, welcome to Denny's.  How many people are in your party?  I love parties."

     So, it was cool that my ex-girlfriend and her sister liked my Drunken Facebook Postings during the weekend.  I had fun writing them.  I let loose.

     I was just outside smoking a cigarette, and I looked at the word 'INTERCEPTOR' below a license plate on a three-wheeled parking attendant mobile.  I was...'wtf...what is that?  A TIE Interceptor like in Star Wars'.
     Metaphorically, it is.

     Space Journey Battles, my epic science fiction adventure is starting to make more and more sense all the time.

     There is a new art show here with large figurative paintings, but they could be better.  She has kind of copped out with the painting part of the paintings through use of collaged wall paper.  It is kind of cute, but her drawing and painting skills could be improved a little.  It is what I call 'getting into the nitty-gritty'.  Her work isn't good enough.  It is kind of a let down.  I give her a 'B'.  I don't think she'll be getting into the galleries anytime soon.


     A lot of women, as they age, they get nosier and nosier.  Their eyes gaze more and more into other people's business, but they never say anything.  Instead, I get these 'prune-face looks of skepticism.'

     Jeff liked the napkin drawing portrait I did of him.
     "That's the best thing I've ever seen you do."
     That's a comment I've heard for over twenty years.

     Anyway, it was fun  playing Magic and getting my painting work done all at the same time.

     Okay, if I could have any job I wanted in the world, what would it be?  Well, it would be to sit in the cafe to write, and then go home to paint.  I can do this all day long, every day.  No problem.
     However, the problem is, "How in hell do I get paid?"  I don't know.  I have to be really successful with my writing, cartooning, and painting in order to make a living at it.
     So what is my next choice?
     I never minded too much relatively to work in crowded cafes and restaurants and make a little scratch money doing that.  At least I could get lost in those environments, and disappear.

     Basically, I wish somebody would give me a break in this world, but so far, it ain't happening.  I wonder what I have to do to make it happen?  I don't know.  I'll have to go public or something, a prospect I'm not entirely pleased with, but maybe it will be fun.
     Yes, I have to go all the way if I expect something to happen.

     Otherwise, it is pretty quiet in the cafe today.  Everybody is at work.

     My final napkin drawing/painting of the night last night I sold for $3.  The drawing was of a young couple.  It wasn't my best work.  I needed more time.  The bar was closing.  The guy liked it enough to give me something for it, so it was cool.

     Francisco and his ex-girlfriend lost the paintings that I made of them, or they were stolen.  They were nice pieces.  All that work for nothing.

     I'm just working on a comic book page right now.  I don't know if it is any good.  All I am doing is firming up some lines and the text with a ball point pen to make the text and images more legible.  When I am done, I will photograph it, and make a video.  Then I will post it all on a log, and the video will go on youtube, and we'll see what happens.
     With my comic book work on youtube, I hardly get any hits.  Maybe that will change someday, but for the most part, the kids watch my Clone Wars Videos, and that's about it.  I have found much of an art audience yet.  It can happen, but it will take a while.

     In the time it takes for anybody to notice anything I'm doing on the web, I could be dead.  That would suck.

     Ideally, I will put lots of comics and paintings and artwork on the web, and I can get some sales and notoriety.  It can happen. I don't see why it can't if the work is good.

     Anyway, it is a mostly quiet Monday here at the cafe, and yes, I have my work cut out for me.

* * *  
     Cops seem too interested in my business, even at times when I am just standing there.  I don't trust them.

* * *

Meeting of the Minds

     My friend Daniel is into computers and technology.  My friend Marco is into music.  I do my art thing.  Here we are.

      I felt like wearing a bathrobe to the cafe, since that was the weekend all the Santas were about doing their annoying barhopping thing.
      Anyway, Dan and Marco are good people, and we often stand out there and have conversations, which ultimately helps to generate ideas of all kinds.  It is good stuff.

 Here is James on the left.  He deserves an honorable mention, and contributes politics to the conversation.

          Here are the shoes of a musician.  Marco is a pretty talented guy.

House of Chaos

     It is a nice and quiet day today.  One coffee might be enough for me.  I have a Rainier at home.
     I talked to M. today.  He is doing good.  We talked about Nirvana.  It's fun to talk about music with him.  I can't play anything, but I like to talk about bands with him.
     M. told me that when D. smokes too much pot, that you can't get him to shut up talking, lol.  It happens.  I think D. is a good person, but he is very technical oriented which is not necessarily my style, but there is a lot to learn from him.  D. can be a pain, so can I, but M. and I will help round D. out a little with our art and music stuff, and he will be good with the tech stuff.  Ultimately, it is a good mix.
     It is good to have lots of friends in this world I am finding out.  It took me long enough to discover that.  Growing up Mormon, my parents wanted us to hang out with other Mormons whenever possible.  I don't know what the f they were scared of, what with our house being a House of Chaos.
     Yeah, my family really doesn't like me writing about them, but that just might be too bad.  I should be able to write about anything I want to.  Plus, a lot of people are fascinated by my family, so who cares?

     I'm at the point, where I could take the plunge for a second cup of coffee, or just call it quits for the day and drink coffee at home and play video games.

* * *
     My facebook game of choice recently is 'Monopoly Millionaires'.  It is fun.  I like anything that has to do with the game of Monopoly.
     The internet connection at the cafe is a little slow, and that sucks, but I play one facebook account here at the cafe, and another one at home.
     If the internet worked real good here, I'd be playing more facebook games here, that is for sure.  It is such a pain to wait for things to load, that I can't stand it.
     Yes, it looks like my time will end here soon.  There is nothing else to do, and I feel cramped with the people here.  I don't feel free to write, so why bother?  There is no point to extracts words from my brain that have no vitality to them.

     Yeah, I grew up in a House of Chaos.  I didn't even want to be there half the time.  I always preferred to spend time at my friend's houses. 
     We didn't always have things to eat at my house, and with kids running around screaming all the time, it was no fun for me to bring my friends over.
     It was sad.

Um...

     Hi, it is another day.
     I just got finished working on my 18 and over blog.  Sometimes what I have to do is get all that stuff out of my system, so that then I can write for a PG audience.
     I hate all these rating systems designed to 'Protect The Children'.  It drives me nuts.
     Censorship has a history that is as long as art making itself.

     One funny moment from Mel Brook's 'History of The World Part 1' is the caveman artist makes a painting on the wall. 
     Then, the caveman art critic played by Brooks looks at the painting, and shows what he thinks about the painting by pissing on it.  lol.  I still like that scene, it is fierce.


      Dang, I forgot to write about what I watched last night, but I can't write about it here.  Sorry, folks, I don't want to offend anyone, or get my monetization taken away from this blog.  Sucks, huh?  Man, they got me by the balls.

      The ironic thing is that many PG movies in the past have featured scenes of topless women.  Yet, if I put up the photo of a woman from a PG movie on this blog, I risk losing the advertising for this blog.  Kind of screwed up, huh?
      So, Hollywood can get away with it, but I can't.
      That sucks, but it is just how it is.

      Anyway, it has been a good day at the cafe.  I did some painting and some writing.
      I have this commission painting that I am working on.  I will be glad when it is done.

      'Tattoo Face' just walked in, so I exhaled a pronounced 'F' word when he came in.  His nasal voice annoys me.  Plus, he's got a tattoo line around his lips, and he is bothersome to look at.

     Anyway.........time for a smoke.

* * *

     Some guy I was painting a picture for at the bar last night asked me "How do you make a living."
     I didn't want to talk about that with him.

     Okay, time to go home, soon.

     It's been a good session, and I got my work done.

     Time to clean up my hell and go home.

The End of The World will not happen because of Marty McFly

I haven't made a cent on this blog yet.

     $0.00.
     Zip.
     Zero.
     Nothing.
     Not a single click yet.
     That sucks, but it is just how it goes.  These things take time.
     It is important to stay encouraged and to keep going no matter what.
     I am used to rejection, but then over time, people slowly warm up to you when they get to know you.
     People have lives, and they don't always have time to look at new things.  So, I can't say I blame them.
     What does writing a blog called 'At The Cafe' have to do with anything?  People are more concerned with the stock market than with what I am doing at the cafe.
     There isn't many cold, hard facts that can be gleaned from this blog, that is for sure.

     Dang, it is my misfortune to be sitting next to a guy on his cell phone.  It sucks, but I just have to wait it out until he stops...which could be a while.

     So, Blogger started in 1999.  I didn't even have a computer until 2002.  I bought this laptop then, and it still works like a dream.  I had to replace the hard drive once for $150 because I was really hard on it with all of the multiple programs I was running on it.  Since then I have been careful.  It works great.  My laptop is my sweet child.
     It is pretty heavy to lug all the stuff around in comparison with the lighter models today, but that is fine with me.
     Anyway, I am a late-comer to blogging.  I should have started years ago.  It was pretty over-whelming to get on the web in 2002 and not know what the heck was going.  The premiere reason to get on the web was EverQuest.  That is what I was really excited about.  I still play it once in a while, I love when I get on the game.  I don't know what my problem is, I ought to play it more.  With so many games to play, it is hard to play them all.

     Anyways, it is a nice day, if not overcast a little.  I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It will be another trip into town later.

     I was outside smoking and some black guy sitting on the sidewalk with a NY hat started yell-mumbling to me.  I don't know what the hell he was trying to say to me, and I didn't want to find out. 
     Always something that happens.

     You know, I still have a desire to go tag the homes of many people responsible for graffiti in L.A. and S.F.  I want to tag their front door and their walls, and I really want to know if they like it or not.

The 100th post

     Like I said before, I'm just getting started.  Also, I don't know what I am doing yet on this blog.  I don't know why it is important, I don't know why anyone should look at it, and, I am more than a little bit crazy. 
     Maybe I should do yoga again, that seemed to help, but it was taking up so much of my time, and besides, my funds are running low.
     Anyway, this is the first Monday of 2012, and I don't think the world will be destroyed this year, as some would have you believe.  Those people are crazier than I am.
     Anyhow, it was a good night of Magic last night.  I finally won a game on the final game.  It was a brutal death match.  I kept getting my @ss kicked.
     Anyway, I am here now, and I got my coffee, and some fresh air.
     Nadjat is here as always.  She is everybody's favorite coffee lady.  She is all business, but she has a good time working here, too.
     Thank god, the guy who was jamming out with his headphones is gone.  He wore a Milwaukee Brewers baseball cap, and he kept quivering his legs back and forth.  He was a distracting presence to me.
     Anyhow, it is the start of a new week.  I pulled myself together, and got dressed, and dragged myself here.
     I don't know what I am doing.  I am a little confused.
     I conceived of a blog entry entitled 'Depression', but I haven't written it yet.  I was kind of down on myself yesterday.  Alcohol is a depressant, and I got bombed on New Year's Eve.  So, following, I was deflated the following day.
     I only had a couple of hits of pot, but that s**t f**cks me up.
     Nothing better than a good sneeze.
     Anyhow, I don't have much to fall back on, and I don't have much of a safety net.
     I have to buy a large canvas today for Cafe Prague, and take it there today.  This will require another trip into town.  I've been going into town almost every day for a week now.  Man, it wipes me out going there on my bike, and fighting traffic.  It isn't far, in as much that it is just work.  Always something to different to see, and things happen on the way and back, though.  There is only one easy way to get across town, and that is on Mission Street.  Other routes are congested with traffic, so I have to take the same way over and over again, and usually I am not that kind of bike rider.  I like a variety of paths.
     It isn't easy to write cohesive blog entries.  They need editing.  I always say I will go over my entries later and fix them, but then I never get around to them.
     All I know is that things need to be written and rewritten.

     I watched two episodes of The Simpsons last night from Season 23.  I was waiting to laugh.  I did a couple of times.  It is still a good show, but I don't know what it is supposed to mean anymore.  I've basically missed Seasons ten through twenty-two.  I have a lot of catching up to do.
     I was surprised, though, that the show is still not really intended for kids.  They had a lot of sex stuff in it, all implied of course.  It is funny when it is in a cartoon, it seems more real when cartoon characters have sexual urges.  Joan Rivers did a cameo.  She did a good job.  Anyway, that was my Simpsons experience.

     So now it is a new week, a new Monday, and a new life.
     I brought a painting with me.  It is just there on the bench.  I'll put the photo up when I get the chance...oh no, I forgot.  It features a naked lady, and adsense doesn't like those kind of images, even though it is just some figure painting I did in a painting class years ago.  I don't want to risk having this blog not be monetized.  I will have to put it on my 18 and over blog.  I learned the hard way that adsense doesn't like naughty bits shown.  Other people do it, and they get away with it, but somehow, I always seem to be caught or targeted, so I really just need to keep things rated PG here all the time.  It is strange and bizarre that I have to do this, but it is just how it goes.

     There was a ship from WWII, and it had a logo of a topless woman painted on the bow.  They ended up painting a bra on herf.  But then, women can breastfeed in public.  It drives me nuts.  Who gets offended is what I want to know?  Does it really make people feel uncomfortable?
     The mermaid on the Starbucks coffee cup used to feature two little dots for the breasts until enough women got offended.  Lighten up, ladies.  They resolved this by putting hair over the breasts.  So deep are people's feelings about nudity in art, that they go *ucking ballistic.  Sheez.

     I guess there are a lot of people that want to make every thing family friendly.  That is just a bunch of bull.

* * *

     I just talked to my friend from Africa.  He is a really nice guy, and reads a lot in the cafe.  Nadjat and he are good friends.  He is a benefit to this cafe.  Anyway, he liked my painting, so we were talking about it, then he discussed his lady friend who was an artist who became an art teacher, and he was saying about how many stories she had about teaching.  I told him she should write those stories down, then I decided that I should write the stories down that I had, and I guess that is what blogs are for.  I do have one for art school stuff.  I haven't done much with it yet, but someday I will, when I feel it is the time to do so.

     Well, that is about all I have to say about the essence of now for this 100th blog entry.  The reason why I mention it is that some lady was saying how she wrote 100 entries for her blog, and not much was happening with it...well..you know why?  Because you have to do more than that.  You gotta put in lots of keywords, you gotta reach out to people to make a blog happen, you gotta subscribe to other people, and interact with them, and you gotta plan on 10,000 entries.  To reach a 100 entries is the equivalent of reaching level five on EverQuest.  With all the writers in the world, baby, you gotta do more.

* * *

     So, I have no back up plan to how I will make a living.  My main plan for work right now is to Not Show Up when my ball park job starts up again.  I don't want to do it.  I don't belong there.  It was fun while it lasted, but I see no reason to continue to work for peanuts.  I gotta come up with something better than that.

     Yes, the last thing I want to do is become an art teacher.  *uck it.  I don't want to do it.  I would much rather make art, and not teach it.  What the hell am I going to teach?  Nothing.

* * *

     There is the writing I do before going to the bathroom, and then the writing I do afterwards.  This is the afterwards part.  I only mention it because there is definitely a difference in my writing.  See how clear I am writing now? 

     Anyway, I've been thinking about depression a lot, and what that means, and madness might be a good theme, too.
     "Tales of Ordinary Madness" by Charles Bukowski is a highly recommended book.  It is really good.  I've read it twice.  If you have never read Bukowski, this is a good book to start with.  You will see that the guy really knows how to write.

* * *
     Okay, good times, talking about graffiti and how useless it is, alcoholism and getting laid, and The Window of Opportunity where the guy is drunk enough to be charming to women, who are also drunk, thus increasing the chances of coital activity.
     Just another day of conversation at the cafe.  See why I come here now?

     You got the yoga broads who take their class, and then they down a cup of coffee.  It's that yoga-coffee tweak thing that is so appealing.  I wonder who pays the bills while the girl is off having a good time in class and at the cafe?  Then again, who is paying my bills while I have a good time sitting at the cafe writing? 

     Thanks, Grandma.

Bitter Moody Sad Bastard

     Hi, I am in recovery mode.  It was a pretty drunken night for me last night. 
     "Thank God for coffee," is about all I can say right now.
    
* * *
     Man, I really piled on the condiments on my pizza slice last night.  Some guy was watching me put tomatoes black olives, hot sauce, jalepenos, and we exchanged some words.  I was drunk and hungry, and it turned out to be an awesome piece of pizza.

     I just want to go home right now and play Clone Wars.  That sounds like a good idea.  I don't really have much to write about today like I normally do.
     Tonight is another night of Magic The Gathering coming up.

     There doesn't even seem to be much going on at the cafe today, at least nothing I care about.  Just a bunch of people that I don't know hanging out.

     It was nice to see both Matt and Marco at the bar last night for New Year's.  It was a good time.  We were all pretty hammered.

     Man, I've got nothing going on, which I guess, has always been my problem.

     I could come up with something right now, but I don't know what.

     All I want to talk about so I can sort it out for myself is my problems with low self-esteem and self-image, and how I seem to myself to be on the lowest tier of the totem pole.
     With all of my accomplishments, I just feel like a dork sometimes, and the only way I can make it through the day is to be in denial of my faults, and just continue on with my work.

     Wow, this is my 99th entry on this blog, and I don't even know what it all means.  I cranked out a lot of entries pretty damn quick, and I don't know what for.  I don't know where this blog will go, or what purpose it will serve.  Mostly, it has been an exploratory type of blog.  I guess we'll have to see what happens.

     I need somebody to talk to, but there is no one here.  Dang.  That is sad.

     The other cafe lady is here, who also works for Muddy Waters.  I love to listen to the two women have intense discussions in a language foreign to me.  It's a very warm kind of talk, the kind that a lot of Americans aren't privy to.  They don't make those kind of sounds with their language, they don't have that kind of flow, and you know what?  It is all about the flow.

     Man, I don't know what I am going to do with myself.  I have good days and bad.  I have minor set-backs all the time, and it is very difficult to get my art career going at all.  Progress is very slow.  The problem is making the art, and then getting other people to even look at it is not easy.

     It is pointless to put up bad art on the web.  Most people don't get why I would do that.  I often do that just to *uck with people.  I don't know if it does any good.

     Man, I am out of it.

     I don't know why I don't write pages of lyrics.  I guess I don't have that much interest in it, but I often think of getting on a roll with it, and taking a drive with it.  I don't know why I don't get around to it.  I don't understand a lot of things about myself.

     I just want to eat.

     It doesn't seem like I am doing my best work right now, so I don't see any point of writing more on this entry.  I feel a little down about myself, when in fact, I should feel elated and excited about life.  I guess I cold use a 'happy hug' about right now.

     Sometimes, it is just a good idea to stop.

     I am certainly not getting much in the way of inspiration coming my way.

     Yes, maybe I should just go home, and lick my wounds so I can live to fight another day.

     I lost the war today so far, but there is a battle tonight.

     There are still a lot of peripheral things on my mind, but I am going to let things stew for a while, I suppose.

     I am an odd kind of person, and not the type to impress too many people.  I guess I should work on that, and try to improve myself, working with what I got.  People with less often go farther then people with more talent who don't put the work in.

     I do have this blog which is my best friend at the cafe right now.

     I am kind of feeling a little bit alone right now.  Maybe I should just pack it up and go home.

     Of all the days, Monopoly Millionaires on facebook is shut down for maintenance.

     Maybe a Sunday afternoon nap would do me good.

     There is a Richard Serra drawing show at SFMOMA.  I suppose I should go see that, and then write about it.

     I need more money for all the things I want to do.

     I need to get my foot in the door somewhere for my career, and not just for a job.  Or, I could just sell a crapload of art, which actually sounds like it would be a lot more fun.
* * *
     "Don't be moody or sad," she said to me.  "Cheer up, raise your head up, and walk proud.  I will always be with you."
     "Okay, Elf lady from Lord of The Rings...let me know when you want to help me get a leg over."