The Cosmic Blues Cafe

     It is a nice day, but I am out of it.  I was up half the night watching Babylon 5 season 4.  It is a great show.  I have no problem watching episode after episode for hours on end.
     Well, there were the two lesbians dressed as boys but still talking like girls, and I was glad to see them go with their petty problems.
     The Minbari photographer chick is at the table on the right next to me.  She likes to photograph stripper chicks, but she doesn't like to be photographed herself.  Anyway, I have no interest in her.  She is in her own world.  I can coexist in the same room with her, at least she keeps herself busy.
     I talked with Marco for a solid hour about Babylon 5.  That was good stuff.
     I'm going to have to make some Babylon 5 Magic cards now.
     I'm on my first cup of coffee still, but starting to get ready for a refill.
     Babylon 5 made me think about a lot of things.  It is a relevant show, and holds up on so many levels.
     Anyway, I am kind of out of it today.
     I never got around to making a single video yesterday.  It turned out to not be the time for it.  I have a lot of stuff on my camera ready to go, though.  Maybe I will make a video today.  It is time.
     Yeah, Babylon 5 made me rethink my position about a lot of things.

     I am at The Cosmic Blues Cafe.  That isn't a bad name for it.  Anyhow, people are just hanging out, doing their thing.  Nobody bothers anybody else.  There haven't been any interruptions from the fringe element from outside.
     Babylon 5 helped me to think through a couple of things about creating my own media for tube.  I have some new ideas.  It is good to continually try and keep upgrading my work.

     A man has to make a living.  Yes, I know that.  So far, I don't even know of a dishwashing job I could get.  It does seem indeed that I have employment problems.  I haven't come up with a resolve yet on how to make some money.  The thing is that I'm going to have to come up something soon.

     If I had real awesome content, and was really onto something, I would ask people for money to support what I was doing.  I haven't struck gold yet with an idea, so there is no point in asking people to give me money for work I haven't done yet.

     My art career is going nowhere, and I don't know what the point of all that is.

     Shake your money maker.  I am going to have to figure out how to metaphorically do that.

     I wonder if there is a way I can contribute?  I don't know yet.  I haven't found a way.

     Who is my audience?  I am not sure yet.
     There is no point in building up an audience unless I can deliver good content everyday.

     Cartooning.  I haven't done much of that in a while.  It is so laborious.

     Writing a script, or a teleplay.  Well, I can write dialogue which is all I know how to do.  Maybe all I have to do is start writing some stage directions.  I don't know.

     Space Journey Battles.  I have some work to do with that.  I have a couple of ideas with some characters.

     A black guy decided that the table on the left of me is a fine place to take a nap.  He has two tear drop tattoos near his left eye.  He is a sad mofo.  What a case.
     Once you get tattoos on your fragging face, you are fragged.

     I can use a substitute word like frag, but not f**k.  The world is fragged, man.

     Anyway, Babylon 5 does a good job in looking at human nature.  Though the show is set two-hundred years in the future, its issues are contemporary, and always will be, because humans are flawed.  We can't see everything at once, and we make mistakes all the time.  We even repeat mistakes often.

     I am going to have to figure out what it is that people want to read, and then deliver.  It will be a compromise between myself as an artist and with an audience.  It will be a negotiation.

     No one has ever thought that I can do anything good, but then I surprise people every once in a while.

     I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I try to learn from them, because I want to grow as a person, and make something of myself.

     I am still living the creative life.  It is good stuff.  I can't get enough.  It is the way I want to live, but yeah, I need funding.  That's always the problem.

     I need to sell, sell, sell.  It ain't going to be easy, but what is? 
     I'm going to have to get into 'crazy-mode' and step it up a notch or two, and do something about improving my life.

     It is never good enough for anybody.  F**k 'em, who cares?  I don't care anymore, and I've got nothing to lose. 
     I do have everything to gain, and that is a nice prospect.

     I think I might be very afraid of success.  I think I might be terrified, to be honest.  But I know that if I just do the work, that things take care of themselves, and things get done.

     I am doing my work right now.  It is odd to abandon my sketchbook, and to not draw.  I'm not sure how I feel about that right now.  My sketchbook is my best friend.  I just don't know what the point of art is right now.

     I have to make some cash.  Currently, I have no commercial connections.

     It is all building up to something, I just don't know what yet.

     I need to figure out a way to serve others somehow, and get paid for it.  This sounds like a road to unhappiness, when all I want to do is serve myself. 
     I have served enough people in my life, and it is demeaning to my person.

     I have this thing I am working on called, "Space Journey Battles".  I don't know how all that will work.

     Moebius.  I just looked him up.  He's pretty good.

     I still just want to get my hands on a lot of 'Heavy Metal' magazines.  Some of them are quite good.

     I'm always torn between art and commercial art, to create or to survive.
     I can no longer just sit here and wait for people to discover my work.  I have to do something about it, or else I am going to die, and that would suck.

     I don't know what my problem is, but I know half my problems will be solved with a good job.

     I'm going to have to figure something out.

     I don't care if the whole world knows about the problems I am having.  I am human, just like everybody else, and I have weaknesses that may turn into strengths someday.

     Everybody is at a different stage of development.  It's not as if the world will ever change, but we can change how react to external stimuli.

     We Are The Universe.  That is a very good message from Babylon 5.  The thing I love about that show is its premise is pretty basic.  It is 'The Love Boat in Space'.  Then, all things go to hell.

     I got the blues, I got them pretty bad, but I am a white boy, so it all doesn't matter.  I don't feel the pain.  Yet, I have problems, and they must be solved.

     It is nice sitting in the cafe today.  It gives me time to reflect and to ponder.

     I search for deeper meaning.  I hope I find it soon.