The Problem with Hollywood

     I moved twenty feet over to the right, and my laptop went from a very low strength internet signal to an excellent one.  Where you position your laptop is important.
     I ran into Hector, and he said, "You going to the game?"
     "No, I'm going to the cafe to write."
     I worked with Hector at the ballpark.  I would much rather be here at the cafe and write. 
     I quit.  I am done working at the ballpark.  I never want to do that job ever again.

     Anyway, it was fun seeing Elvis Christ get arrested with his dopey drugged out and drunken look on his face.  His friend Justin is so dumb, he didn't help Elvis move away from the area where he has a restraining order.
     Justin was a crazy drunken mess last night, drinking in front of the bar.  He's been told a hundred times not to have open containers of alcohol there.  He never listens.
    
     Anyway, it was a good night.  I made $40 making napkin art.  I met a nice lady.  Her husband was there, too.  They were in town from Marin.  They were staying in a hotel, so they didn't have to worry about the drive home.

     Yeah, there is a football game today.  I don't want to be a vendor anymore.  It is a crappy job.  I would rather write than run around selling over-priced crap.

     Anyway, I got some good tunes, some hot coffee, Crosby, Stills, and Nash harmonizing on the last day of 2011.  What a crazy year it's been.

     Anyhow, I survived.  I am still alive.  That is a good thing.

     Jamming out on a keyboard is awesome.  It is an external USB separate from my laptop.  It feels more like a typewriter.  Plus it looks cool.

     Marco is going to the Haight-Ashbury to go play some music.  He does pretty good out there.  People come from all over the world to see that area, and Marco provides that rock and roll blues thing. 
     They used to come to the bar where I was a doorman, but I was just some Los Angeles dickhead freezing in the cold being rude to people.  I eventually snapped at that job, but that is another story, and not really all that fun.

     I got home and I was pretty happy, and I worked on blogs, played Clone Wars and Lotro, and just chilled out.  I love coming home from the bar and turning the computer on.

     So anyway, here I am at the cafe.  It is a beautiful day, and I got the whole day ahead of me.  Also, I managed to pay my rent, so that was good.  Now I have to pay rent again.

     Yeah, the lady was real nice.  She dropped two twenties my way.  She also gave me a wet, intimate kiss with her husband sitting on the other side of her.  I wonder if she will stroll into town again, this time unencumbered by husband?  That would be funny.

     Some other couple now has an open marriage.  I guess the man wanted it all.  I'm sure the wife just wants to bail on that scene when she can do it financially.

     Wow, I could be here having the time of my life, or I could be working.  I am always glad to see Hector, but he reminded me of my old job too much this morning.  I want to be thinking of other things.

     Youtube is awesome for replays of Howard Stern.  There is this incredible uploader named Shane.  I found a seven hour Best of Stern 2011 video.  I let it run for six hours straight while I slept.  I woke up listening to that.  I love it.  The Stern show has brought much happiness to my life over the years.  I just like the sound of Howard and Robyn together.  It is good that they are often funny.

     Life is good if I can figure out how to live it now.  I guess I am still trying to figure out how to be successful. 
     The problem with Hollywood is that I am an artist.  I want to do everything myself.  I don't want to be stuck doing just one thing.  I want to do it all creatively.  I need a bankroll, though.  Damn.

     Anyway, I brought a painting here today so I could have some company.  I never know if someone will want to buy a painting.  I've sold them at times I've least expected it.

     My friend finally got a job.  He did the 'I will work for free until you put me on the payroll'.  He stuck it out for four months giving them a lot of free labor.  It is for the exact thing he wanted to do, and he really loves his job.  I'm proud of him.

     Anyway, I am completely out of it.  A little cloudy in my head from last night.

     Women like to read.  I will give them something to read. 

     So that is where I am right now.  I'm going out to have a cigarette.  I wish I could just light up here, though, that would be rad, just like in the old days.  Then I wouldn't have to stand outside and have cops give me dirty, filthy looks of disapproval.

* * *
     I just saw the big titted Indian girl go in to her building across the street.  She looks good to me.  She has a good booty, too. 
     She was carrying some black nightclub shoes.

     Nadjat is the star of this cafe.  She is really fast in serving coffee.  She cuts through a long line of people really fast.

     I like what Howard Stern does.  He delivers a lot of crap, but he also cuts through a lot of crap in Hollywood, and gets people to talk.

     I like jamming out on my keyboard.  The words sound like music to me.

     They are playing a classical piece of music right now.  I like it because I can hear myself think.

     I think I would rather be sitting here typing than practicing a musical instrument.

     I like being The Napkin Art Guy at the bar.  It is fun.  I have a good time.  Plus, it works real good.  People like to see the art made right in front of them.
     I like what I do on the napkins, because I combine both text and imagery.
     That would be cool if someday I have collectors of my napkin art pieces.  You never know what can happen in this world.

     My dwarf Daktharr is level 23 in Lotro, and I'm pretty happy just guiding him on grinding kills against wraiths, killing them over and over again.  When I am drunk or hungover, I like to engage myself in mindless activity until I can start to think again.

     I am having fun still on 'Clone Wars Adventures', though the kids are starting to wear me down.  They are a lot of work.
     Talking of work, there was this 40 year old guy wearing a Wolverine shirt, and he was a real loud-mouthed dick asshole, and he didn't even know it.  With a history of amphetimines, he was lucky he was a good looking guy.  But he had this brazen, loud British accent going for him, and he kept touching people, and putting his hands on people as he was talking to them. 
     He did not like when I treated him the same way he was treating everybody else.  He called me an idiot, and then later shook my hand.  I had told him to go home and take a nap.  He was all wound up.
     I don't want to talk about him anymore.  I hope he leaves my memory as soon as possible.

     I was going through my photos last night, and, I have a lot.  I still have photo animations I have never gotten around to.
     Man, I have a lot of work to do with the blogs and the video making, and you know what?  I'm going to put it all up on the web.  It will take me a while, but I am going to do it.
     I am going to show the world that I can do something after all, and maybe, just maybe, I can get paid for it.  For that, I have to be good, damn good, and real good.  I have to show that I am better than the pack.  That is not going to be easy.  It is a long road to the top of that mountain.

     But yeah, at some point during art school, I wanted to graduate with both an art and a writing portfolio in hand.  I've never accomplished that.
     Now I can think on my feet, and do the blog thing, which automatically makes my words look at least somewhat organized, and I can put my art up until Kingdom Come.  I love it.

     The coffee is good and hot here.  I like it.  I am addicted to their coffee.

     I don't even care if people look over my shoulder today, I am in a good mood.

     There is the sound of the police siren.  I hate people who imitate that sound.  It is bad enough with the police car making that sound without some dickhead mocking the sound.  It is so pedestrian of them, and makes it seem that what actually happens on the street is important, and I don't think it is.  In this town, and in L.A. it is waaaaayyyy more about what happens behind closed doors.  That is where the action is, and where the deals are made, to the value of millions of dollars.  $20 transactions on the street, or a fight I could give a duck about.

     Anyway, it is going to be a good day.  I am going to sing all day long.  I will celebrate to some extent the beauty of my life.  That sounds good to me.

     Hey.  Enjoy life while you can is all I can say.  Moments are so fleeting, and they disappear, and all you got are memories that seem as alive as when they happened.  New moments come, and the brain filters out automatically what it wants to remember.  Yes, the brain has an auto-filter function.

     I often have memories that are triggered by the events of the day.  At this point, though, there is a lot that I want to forget.

     I have been having promptings to start writing about Bountiful High.  It is situated about twenty miles north of Salt Lake City.  I had some pretty good times there, but, honestly, those years were filled with a lot of sadness and loneliness.  I was one of the loneliest people at that school.  I didn't mesh in too well.  The school was very white, and 90% Mormon.  There were a lot people who liked to party.  My class was filled with jocks.  I think the class beneath ours was filled with more kids into music.  They were cooler than us.  We sucked in a way.  I don't know what everybody does for jobs that came out of that school, and I don't know who died.

     Some guy was talking loud on his GD phone, and I lost my train of thought.  His voice filled the whole cafe.  God, it is so annoying.

     I was never cut out for Hollywood.  I had no business being there.  I had no plans to work in the industry.  I didn't want to do it.  I just wanted to make art, and that was about it.  I wanted to do my thing.  I was living some kind of fantasy life, and then I ended up washing dishes for four years, and that sucked ass.
     I went a little crazy, too in L.A., but that is a different story.  I will write about those years at some point.  Well, I actually went craziest after my first year in San Francisco.  If I ever write that story, it will be a tale of paranoia.
     My mind was flooded with expanding art ideas and lofty thoughts, and I was not very secure in my living situation, so I mentally slipped until I could figure things out again.
     Going to SFAI was a very intense experience.  I still owe them a *hitload of money, so I am going to have to figure that one out pretty damn soon.

     It would be cool if somebody bought my painting, but I know that a lot of people in this area don't have a lot of money.  It is just how it goes.  I have had some sales, but not many.  Anyway, it is good to have my painting with me to keep me company, and at least it advertises that I am a painter.  Every little bit helps, you know.  You never know what can happen in this world, or who will walk in and out of your life.

     Yeah, it would be cool to write about Hollywood, and my experiences there.  Sadly, I had a lot of problems with my oldest brother there, so that tainted a lot of my experiences.  Now he claims he has ADD.  It explains a lot, like forgetting to look at parking signs.  He got a lot of parking tickets.  But a lot of what he did involved choices that had nothing to do with ADD.  He just wanted to be that way.  He didn't like to work much, or hold down a job.  He just wanted to coast down easy street, but life doesn't work that way.  You have to work your ass off.
     What is the name of that book by Nathaniel West about Hollywood?  'Day of The Locust' I think.  It is a good book, and very well-written.  They made a movie about that.  I still haven't seen it yet.  I would like to.  Maybe a sample is on youtube.  I haven't thought about Nathaniel West in a long time.  He died young from a car crash or something.  I'll have to look it up when I have time.

     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_West 

     There you go.  I only recently discovered how to put links on my blog entries.  I am glad, because it is a real useful tool, and makes it easy for people.
     Wow, you know what?  That Nathaniel West link I just gave you is good reading.  I did not know that Jews were not allowed in fraternities.  Damn rascist Americans.  Anyway, give the link a try.  It was fascinating to read about him.
     Nathaniel didn't sell a lot of books during his lifetime.

     Now I get to deal with the sounds of a skateboarder outside, and I'm trying to think about Nathaniel West.  Always something, huh?

     So, is literature, the written word, more important than art?  I don't know.  I can't figure it out, so I write and draw to solve the problem.  One is not any more important than the other.  It is all part of The Universe that flows within you.

     Yes, I will eventually write at length about my Hollywood days.  There is a lot to tell, I suppose.  We'll see what happens.

     A girl sat on the left of me, and I have a different vibe now, so maybe it is a good time to end this piece.

     Just think, I could be at the ballpark doing my vending job for a college football game, or I could be here writing and thinking about the works of Nathaniel West.  What would you rather do?  Hang out, drink coffee, write, and look at chicks or run around like a chicken with its head cut-off selling cotton candy?

     Damn, I have to make my life not suck asap...lol.