It is a beautiful and gorgeous day. In contrast, I talked to a Drazi today, which is an alien from Babylon 5. He asked me about football. I told him I wasn't into football.
My check hasn't arrived from the bank yet. That means I am screwed. This is most unfortunate.
I thought I would be a rich and famous artist by now. That has not happened.
It is like I am starting my whole life from scratch now. That sucks. I don't know what I am going to do, or how I am going to solve my problems.
If the check had come in like it was supposed to, I wouldn't be going through any of this right now.
Perhaps I waited too long to order the check. Maybe it is my own damn fault.
Let's just say that it might have been a fatal error to ever invest my money. It looks like it has turned out that way.
Surprisingly, a person commented on one of my blog entries. A complete stranger. She is only the second person to ever comment on one of my blogs. It is incredible that somebody actually read what I wrote and commented.
It is a pinhole of light in my Cave of Abyssal Darkness right now.
I am wondering if I should get some more coffee right now, or just pack it up and go home to see what I need to do.
I need coffee, and it is Christmas.
It is amazing that somebody commented on one of my posts. It is great news. It means that what I do mattered to one person, and that is enough to go for a while. It makes me happy. It is encouraging.
To get feedback of any kind is another story, though. To get somebody who actually reads my work and comments constructively, well, that is like a dog barking at the sky hoping a cloud will give him a dog biscuit. I'll take what I can get.
It took a while for anyone to comment on my youtube videos. Now they do. It is like they were frightened to say anything, or that nothing I did evoked any kind of emotional response. That has changed. I'm starting to break in. It takes a while.
I am running out of time, unfortunately. I must attend to some things, but I also have to write. It is always a war of what I should and should not do at any given time. My mind is a battlefield of choices.
I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't with some things.
My mind is all over the place today. I am a little distressed about my check not being mailed to me. This event is casting a shadow over my entire life right now.
One thing that sucks about this cafe is you have to be buzzed into the bathroom just to use it. This is to prevent non-customers from using it who just walk in from off the street.
When I stand outside on the street smoking a cigarette, since they don't allow smoking indoors anymore, I get crusty looks from cops. It is their job, but I didn't do anything.
If there is anything I have learned is that cops are not my friends.
I enjoy music at the cafe that doesn't have words or lyrics. It allows me to think, and the music gives me a rhythm to go by.
I have an impending sense of doom. I'm going to have to make my own money now. I can't depend on my resources anymore, because they are nearing depletion. That is sad. There goes my life down the tubes, back to where I started, with nothing.
It seems to be against the law to make a living. They make it seem that way. Just to get a job, they background check you on everything. They investigate and interrogate.
"Dude, I just want a job."
"No, you have to be scanned and searched anally. One sec, I have a rubber glove right here. Pull down your pants and let me dig into you. In the case that you are carrying contraband, I will have to take you into the parking lot and have you shot."
So, that seems to be where things are today in 'America', also known as the U.S.A. People from South America think we are crazy, because all people in North and South America are 'Americans'. We've adopted the name to imply that it refers to people from the U.S. It is convenient for us to do that, and it also serves us as a propaganda tool. 'America' is used at a lot at sporting events to evoke a sense of patriotism.
I will be in a heap of trouble if I don't get my check soon, that is all I know. It's not looking pretty for me. In fact, it looks pretty desolate.
A barren wasteland is coming my way unless I can get my s*** together.
That is like asking a leopard to change its spots.
I thought I was a special case for a long time, because I was an artist who would actually sell art from time to time, but my sales in the last year have been negligible. That is not a good thing if I actually want to survive in this world.
I don't want to end up homeless, so I guess I ought to do something about my life.
I was hoping to be a cartoonist, or some kind of artist with a steady gig, but my activities are all over the place, and I am not a professional at anything. I was into the idea of being 'a professional amateur' at many things.
It was my dream to have both a writing portfolio and an art portfolio. This would give me a double weapon to go out and make it happen.
Instead of that s***, I just do it, and make it happen, posting my work all over the web.
I still have a long way to go to become popular, which is needed in order to make anything happen on the web.
To invent myself as a 'Player Character' and to develop my powers is not easy. It is surprisingly similar to what occurs on an online game. There are many similarities, and it is ironic that it all turned out to be that way. Who knew that online games could be such an influence? It all makes sense, though.
To be uber in a game, you have to have a high level, and lots of wicked and cool equipment. You must also have awesome housing.
The same goes for real life, and I am at a loss for words.
Art reflects life, and now, the computer games are the art form.
If there is anything the games teach, it is to have a hell of a good time while you are playing. If you are not, just log off.
Unfortunately, I can not log out of my life for even a day. It is a 24-7 online game, this life is. I have no interest in canceling my subscription to Life anytime soon, but I have to do something, or else bad things will happen. I don't want those things to happen, so I have to do something. What that is exactly, I don't have much of an idea about that, sadly.
I'm going to have to sell a hell of a lot of art in order to improve my life, and there ain't any chance of that happening any time soon, unless I really start kicking ass.
I had better start to make it happen, or else I am *ucked.
I need a plan. I need one right now. I have six minutes until 2:00 p.m. hits, and then I have to move into action to change my life forever, or else the universe will cave in on itself into an impending orchestra of doom.
I will go outside and think to see what happens, and what I will come up with.
Some girl sneezed, when she was with her guy about to cross the street. I thought my resolve will be to go home, to see if my check has arrived, and to look around my studio, and to *uck all, and go for it. I will get on my computer for a bit, have a cigarette, get my *hit together, jump on my bike, and go to the bank, and then to Cafe Prague for a beer, and then see what happens.
Hey, it is Friday.
My life is about to begin.
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